Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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