Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
