On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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