Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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