God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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