He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize