she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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