Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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