I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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