Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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