Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
