college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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