He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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