I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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