what if every blade of grass was a penis?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
