Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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