listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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