Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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