4 words: hood of his car
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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