i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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