and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I understand Curling. That high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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