I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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