Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Houston, we have a squirter
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
