Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
try to milk me bitch
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