yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize