im having a threesome with these popsicles
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
