Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
