...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
