Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
