you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
