I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
