He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
