Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think my moral compass just broke
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