Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
