You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
