I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
