why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
