Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
