Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize