I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize