You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
do nipples grow back?
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