I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
