hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
