I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
