hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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