You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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