Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
