I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize