The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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