I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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