Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
