I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
