she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
