On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
