New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
