Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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