Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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