i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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