The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
