This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
