Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
