These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
