so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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