I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
