I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize