He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
