I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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