Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
