nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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